A FRANK MOVIE REVIEW: 50 SHADES OF GREY

A FRANK MOVIE REVIEW: 50 SHADES OF GREY – “0”

by Marshall Frank February 18, 2015

I wasn’t going to, but with second thoughts, we went to see it out of curiosity and all the fanfare. Here’s my review of 50 Shades of Grey.

We walked out after an hour of boring, inane dialogue and virtually no story line other than lust and sex between two hot people in their 20’s. What a hunk-a-junk.

Young woman appears for an interview with a handsome billionaire tycoon at his lush office, their eyes meet, her heart beats with lust while he sees her as a recipient of domination if and when he can lure her into his sex-toy house.

End of story.

The rest is all about passionate eyes, heavy breathing, close-ups, sex and more sex, and not an ounce of character development, plot or struggle.

It’s nothing more than a shallow porn flick that doesn’t show the bare penis.

The male actor, Jamie Dornan, is obviously a fashion model with extraordinary good looks, but without a character that invokes an iota of gravitas, nor intellect to show us how and why he became such as success at the age of 27.

The girl is a better actor, but the repetition of glossy eyes and panting heart gets old after a few shots. She’s Dakota Johnson, daughter of Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith.

If you like mindless, go see this movie. Otherwise, save your money. If it’s anything like the book, I’m glad I didn’t waste time reading it.

I give it a 0.

Click here: Fifty Shades of Grey (2015) – IMDb

16 comments

Fran of 57 February 18, 2015 at 6:30 pm

Ironic this would come today as I just saw it this afternoon. Agree w/all you said w/one extra comment re why he a success, etc. Went w/my daughter in law and she said there are 3 books in the series and this movie is just on the first book. That in the subsequent books they go into how he got like he is, etc. As, this movie is not the end . . .
But, like you I found it slow and boring . . . so I won’t go to the rest of the series of movies as my daughter in law has read the books and told me how it ends, as the ending of this movie is not the end of their relationship . . . .

Lunar Day February 18, 2015 at 6:41 pm

Oh heck… read the books!

Jack Milavic February 18, 2015 at 8:04 pm

I thought I was too critical by giving it a -100. I only lasted about 30 minutes. Heck, I used to like a little porn but this was worse than most black and white porn I used to watch in the 70s.

swifty February 18, 2015 at 8:25 pm

That pretty well sums up most of what comes out of that drunken, smoked up, shot down Hollywood gin mill.

George Saufley February 18, 2015 at 8:45 pm

If you are rich and live an a Mansion and you find a young female who is willing to enjoy “moderate passive aggressive hot sex passion” you get to enjoy it if you are into it and you write a book you can Make millions with the book and a movie. Its called “Fifty Shades of Gray” Passive aggressive sex can be a “slippery slope into violence” if mixed with alcohol and drugs. If you are poor, alcoholic, use drugs, an “outcast” and practice “moderate passive aggressive sex for fun” you may get arrested and will be accused of “Fifty Shades of Sexual Abhorrence” and your mansion may be the “Industrial Prison Complex” Could it be “Fifty Shades of Bait Stereotype” for the emotionally vulnerable for profit? Ask a CIA psychiatrist.

Alice February 18, 2015 at 10:04 pm

I had heard about the book and had NO intention of seeing this flick, but appreciate you making me realize there are thousands (or more) stupid people out there willing to see a couple hrs. of crap…and pay good $$$ to be bored. Cleaning the toilets at home would be more productive.

Don G. February 18, 2015 at 10:22 pm

How sad that our country is so desperate for porn that they support such trash.

Eileen February 18, 2015 at 10:50 pm

Didn’t see the movie, but not surprised with your review. I agree with Don G.

Sylvia February 19, 2015 at 9:38 am

My sister bought the book and told me a few chapters into it she closed it and took it straight to the trash ben. She is an avid reader. Base on her re-view, when I was at the movies yesterday and all the people were lined up to buy their tickets for a very well advertised Grey movie, I chose to see the movie Black or White, it was a great movie.

Mia Crews February 19, 2015 at 10:10 am

Marshall, I refuse to give money to the producers of this movie, but I opened the book and read just enough to know that the events depicted send the wrong message to young women–it’s okay to be abused because he’ll stop anytime i say so–or worse yet–he’ll love me after he dominates me–or he has money, so i will put up with a bit–no–a lot of degradation. All while setting back the women’s movement five decades. As a former writer of romance novels, I find this kind of book/movie insulting to good writers everywhere, and even more appalling are the mixed messages young women are receiving–where to draw the line between sex and abuse. And don’t give me the excuse that the hero has good reason to act this way toward a woman. He needs a good psychiatrist, not a sex slave. I’m not a prude, and I respect the many great writers of romance out there, so give me a well-written novel about mature adults who treat one another with respect as they face life’s conundrums.

Shirl February 19, 2015 at 11:32 am

My friend and I went to see “Kingsman”. Another disaster. It did have a story line but much of it was aimed at teens. At least, I hope that’s the case and that Hollywood doesn’t assume we are all stuck at 13.
The worst part was the nasty sex talk and innuendo at the end. It was simply insulting.

Kay Williamsn February 19, 2015 at 8:01 pm

Guess that’s why it was called “Mommy porn”…and why I’m glad I didn’t bother to read it either.

Kay Williamson February 19, 2015 at 8:15 pm

Guess that’s why it was called “Mommy porn”…and why I’m glad I didn’t bother to read it either.

Karen February 20, 2015 at 12:46 pm

If one pays attention to the news, hearing about this book and movie is unavoidable. From all I’ve heard–more than I want to know–it’s porn trash. Not my thing. I do not understand the attraction, and its popularity does not speak well for our culture. If I’m going to invest my time and brain in a movie, I look for clean films that are ennobling, inspiring, educational and/or entertaining. That means most of my movies are classics from 30-50 years or more ago. Right now I’m watching “QB VII,” last week “El Cid.” Movies like that are like reading the Bible–somebody keeps sneaking in and rewriting them…or maybe my aging changes what I get out of them.

TheRightLook February 25, 2015 at 12:50 am

I refuse to go see it or read the trash. Youngsters world-wide barely have to type a word that has even a remote relationship to a possible sex connceted word on the internet without being spammed with some kind of porn.

Adults one thing, kids being preyed upon unwittingly, ‘no bueno!’ I am not going to comment on what people decide to do in the privacy of their home or social life, it is so not the kind of lifestyle I would choose. Just the fact it has been lauded by the lame stream is a huge doorway to introduce more allowable molester types of activities.

I beleive there should be a bigger concern related to this kind of stuff being so highly promoted at all levels as the norm and being acceptable. Just thinking logically here, let’s see if there are more reported homicide (accident or not) investigations with the cause having some kind of unusual sexual conduct deeply attached to the 50 Shades of Gray kind of stuff. Bondage, beating, all types of S & M can very quickly turn sour.

I work with two women and one gentleman who openly talk about participating in this kind of submissive/dominant activity and their are darned proud of it. When the gentleman asked me what I thought I simply said “I will tell you this, if you do not absolutely control your thinking while you are in the heat of all of this, something or someone else will do it for you, and before you know it, it will be too late to stop any further actions that may turn out to be harmful or worse to you or the other party.” The two women are well under 30. The gentleman is a older widower who happened upon it, there are-like most everything else recruiter/predators ready to pounce.

I really hope I am wrong, but I think the storm of allowable uncontrollable sexual perversion will soon be part of yet another crisis on the homefront.

Guido Deganello March 23, 2015 at 11:58 am

Dear Frank:
I agree with your review 100%………. “-0” ………Is a negative zero possible?
guido

Frank welcomes intelligent and insightful responses to commentary, especially from folks with contrary points of view and other insights to offer. Please keep comments pertinent to the title issue. Though some issues may draw passionate reactions, Frank insists on maintaining respectful decorum and will take the liberty of deleting foul language or an entire comment if it's deemed outrageously inappropriate. He would appreciate responders who leave their names, city of residence and, if possible, e-mail address.

Frank has been writing and publishing commentary since 1994. His articles have appeared in various newspapers in North Carolina and Florida, along with short stories in many magazines. True to his moniker "Frankly Speaking,"(the title of one of his books) Frank wastes no words in presenting his message as he hits sharp and hard but above the belt. No one would ever call him politically correct. His critics are hard pressed to pigeonhole him as a liberal or conservative, as his views vary depending on the issue. Because he is not running for office nor seeking a job, the muzzle is off. One critic said, "I don't always agree with Mr. Frank, but he sure makes you think."