HAYWIRE – Movie Review

“HAYWIRE”  Rating: 2  (out of ten)

I think it’s time to start rating the raters of movies. Whoever wrote glowing reviews of “Haywire” should either be fired or evaluated for  competency.

This movie was probably made to upstart a new action hero in the form of actress, Gina Carano, from which the studios undoubtedly hope to create a Haywire I, II and III. Let’s hope not.

The movie would be better titled, “Whoop-ass Woman,” a testament to the scene upon scene where tough-as-nails Carano is beating the crap out of men, sometimes three at a time, with the usual menu of karate kicks, power punches and crotch kicks. Somewhere in the mix of this inane picture, is a plot…but you need a handy remote to reverse one scene after another to catch the drift of who is who, and what their objectives are.

It’s something about good agents and bad agents, but we don’t have the luxury of knowing why they’re killing each other, unless it’s just for the thrill of computer-game nerds who don’t need anything to think about.

The movie would be a total Zero if it were not for the appearances of Michael Douglas and Antonio Banderas, great actors each, who provide a small semblance of acting skills other than evil stare-downs and stupid lines taken from B-movies in the 1930’s. It’s a pity they sign to play in crapola movies like this, they are better than that and they don’t need the money. The studios undoubtedly reached out to them for star-power in the billing.

If you like mindless movies, see “Haywire.”